


Heads & Tails

by Coldsaturn, Zoadgo



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Biting, F/M, Fingering, Hurt/Comfort, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Tension, Smut, Unresolved Romantic Tension, bickering as foreplay, sassiness, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-22 10:26:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2504486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coldsaturn/pseuds/Coldsaturn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoadgo/pseuds/Zoadgo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They look at each other and it's like there's a whole conversation going on without them speaking, and at the same it's like they're simply studying each other's features, without the impending need of finding something to talk about.<br/>--<br/>“I just don’t want you infecting me, who knows what weird disease would pick you as its host.”</p><p>“Couldn’t be any weirder than the parasite I had hanging off of me a few seconds ago.” Murphy and Raven locks eyes with completely deadpan faces, until they break almost in unison.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Finding Home

**Author's Note:**

> A collection of Raven/Murphy fics that sort of follow a timeline 
> 
> Starts immediately after 2x01

 

Murphy doesn't do friendships. He just can't comprehend them. The whole concept of people caring for each other without ulterior motives is absolutely absurd to him, and the more he looks around him, the more he confirms that it’s just an illusion weak people believe in to make themselves feel better. Scared of being really alone, they end up trusting the people around them to be there till the end, always, unconditionally. He had already learned the lesson when he was a child; it clearly doesn't work that way.

He had learned it all too well when he caused his father's death, and his mother not so lovingly taught him what it meant to be weak near the ones you loved: either you killed them, or they would soon reveal their true nature and turn against you. He hadn't earned his mother's forgiveness before she had died, and despite his utter despair for the death of his dad and the bottomless fear of being left alone, in that last moment before her eyes lost that disgusted focus they had on him, he had stepped back from her.

Murphy had spent years trying to understand those last moments, the meaning behind that instinctive gesture, the inner contradiction of his love for his parents and that gut deep need to back away from the corpse of his mother, half immersed in digestive acids stinking up the air of the cell. The answer had come, in the end: the simple lesson was that no matter how much you love somebody, you'll always step back when the pool of their blood (or other bodily fluids, for the matter) edges up too close. It has to be human nature.

Why the rest of the world keeps on ignoring this truth, is beyond him. They go on and on with this bullshit about love and friendship, and loyalty, and the whole diabetic list of honorable things that should be defended in the life he had learned at school. Still, his father got executed because he loved his son, his mother's love hadn't been all that unconditional, the rightful society they all so much believed in locked him up to pay for his parents' crimes, then sent him to the Earth with other 99 delinquents probably hoping they would all die quickly and save the Ark the bother, then he had almost died because of sheer bloodlust, then that girl had jumped off a cliff after no one but him had demanded that fucking justice everyone so readily preached about, then he had been left alone to die, then the Grounders, then the illness...

Yeah, the lesson just keeps repeating itself, and he's bloody tired of it. Since stopping caring about people had proved to be useless in avoiding that bitter fate showing its ugly face, Murphy has decided to avoid other humans altogether. Would he be left alone, finally? Would he stop that fucking metaphorical door from slamming in his face again and again?

He already knows that he can count only on himself, what difference would it make to just stop being around others? No one seems to want him around anyway.

The decision has been made, his mind settled on this new plan, his bag already overstuffed with stolen medicine, food, a couple of rifles, a fuckton of bullets, knives, a blanket. He's ready, and he should leave right about now if he hopes to get far enough by the time the rest of the camp wakes up. Seriously, he's so ready it isn't even funny.

Murphy swallows a groan as he passes his hands over his face. If he's so damn ready, what the fuck is he doing in front of Raven's bed, watching her sleep? And what is her problem anyway, first trying to shoot him--which he definitely expected--and then lying to doctor Griffin to...to do what?

Her body lies in an unnatural position, given the whole pack of bandages she has around her middle, and her sleep doesn't look less painful than her waking hours. Tossing her head from side to side, Murphy simply stares as sweat drops roll down her temples.

What she had done in the morning had been the first time that someone had screwed up his golden rule about human hypocrisy. Sure, Clarke had shown kindness too, but he had never tried to directly harm her either. Raven, instead...

"Hmmmm" Raven stirs, frowning at something her mind is showing her, and Murphy finds himself wondering again what he is waiting for. Another whimper and Raven tries to roll on her other side, but as soon as her left flank touches the makeshift bed, she jerks away in pain, suddenly waking up and gasping for breath. 

Murphy has both his hands on her shoulders to steady her before he even realizes what he's doing, which is apparently the wrong move if the other person doesn't know you were there to begin with, because she jolts and moans in pain again.

"I don't think you should do that." He says, stating the obvious and irritating even himself.

Raven shoots him a look that's all hate and ‘No shit’, before she looks around in her tent and then goes back to him, a new shade in her eyes that he can't quite read. Distrust? Fear? Is she wondering if he's here to kill her in her sleep like he has already done two other times? Not exactly his fault if it had worked, but Murphy can't help but being a little offended by her suspicions. The one time that he isn't plotting against someone, no one believes him. Typical.

"What the fuck are you doing here."

Her tone is so grave and menacing that the question mark turns into a full stop. Which is fine by him, because he absolutely doesn't know how to answer her. Should he just make something up on the spot? Tell her that he wanted to say thank you and goodbye? Would she believe such bullshit?

"Why didn't you tell them I shot you?"

Murphy isn't yet done speaking when his eyebrows have already lifted in surprise. Where the hell has that question come from?

Raven looks taken aback just like him, but then she quickly composes herself and gives him her--could he dare say 'usual'?--stern look, shutting off any chance he had at reading her expression. After a couple of seconds she smirks, looking at him straight in the eyes.

"Because I took pity on you."

That bitch.

What was he doing in her tent again? Raven is only lucky that he's used to getting treated like that--mostly because he treats others the exact same way--, because Murphy is fairly sure that with Bellamy or Finn such a stunt wouldn't be appreciated. And speaking about Finn--

"Sweet. No wonder your ex boyfriend got fed up."

Murphy has just the time to see her face morph into a shocked statue before he picks up his bag from the floor and turns with all the intention to get out and finally get away from everyone. Knowing that the last thing he will remember of Raven is her, reduced in a stunned silence, gives him a nice tingle in his belly. But just as he's about to push the hem of the tent and disappear, he hears Raven's voice.

"You going away?" The restrained tone in her voice makes him turn his head until he sees Raven propped up on her elbows, breathing heavily from the effort but looking determined to keep eye contact with him.

"You shouldn't do that either." Slips out if his mouth before he can stop it, and why does Raven make him say shit like that?

Raven rolls her eyes, muttering a "Shut up.", before resuming the main topic, "So, are you leaving? You know that there are armed guards everywhere, right?" Despite her heaving, she sounds convincingly worried about his fate. Which is completely absurd.

"I know. They won't take me, don't worry."

Raven snorts, sure that he’s mocking her with the last part of the sentence. Problem is, Murphy doesn't know if he was. The only thing he knows is that despite her being a raging bitch, she's also pretty badass, and she had helped him even though she had nothing to gain from it. He knows he's not in debt or anything, but he can't help feeling self-conscious around her. The very first person doing something selflessly kind to him after his father.

"You already know where to go?" She asks, and the only thing he says is "Yes.", because he still doesn't trust her not to tell Kane where to find him, as soon as the morning breaks. She must sense the reason of his clipped reply, because she doesn't push for more.

Silence stretches awkwardly between them, both looking at each other and then around the tent as if there was a chance to find something to talk about in the objects around them. When it's clear that they won't have such a luck, Raven lets her eyes lose focus on an indistinct spot on the ground.

"My mother was also an alcoholic."

Her voice is barely a whisper but it's enough to reach his ears, and Murphy suddenly understands why she had helped him. And it also scares the shit out of him, because this has nothing to do with personal gain, nor with pity. What had pushed Raven had been empathy, something he had yet to see in anyone around him, and that he knows what it means only because he had been a thirsty reader as a child.

Murphy doesn't know what to say after that confession, so he opts for the neutral look he had mastered when he was 10, just in time to go into jail and make all the other children--and some older kids too--aware that he wasn't to be messed with. Raven seems to be waiting for a reply, though, and she's still stubbornly keeping herself up even if she's rapidly losing color.

Not wanting to have her dead just when he's about to run away--they would blame it on him for sure--, Murphy drops the bag on the floor and walks slowly toward the bed, sitting on the ground right next to her head with a grunt, when he hits the mattress with his wounded leg. He's about to curse, but then changes his mind, knowing that if he doesn't swallow down the pain he will wake up the whole camp. "You can lay down now, you'll still see me."

Raven looks at him with a raised eyebrow, then mutters "Took you long enough.", and carefully slides down her elbows, leaning softly on the bed. If her face is anything to go by, it hurts like a bitch. They're such a lame pair.

They fall in silence again, but this time, for some reason, it's not uncomfortable at all. Raven has her head turned on the side so she can look at him, and he has one leg up to his chest, with his chin on his knee. They look at each other and it's like there's a whole conversation going on without them speaking, and at the same it's like they're simply studying each other's features, without the impending need of finding something to talk about.

He should get up and go, but for all that it's worth he can't. Even though his leg is hurting, the silence in the tent is soothing, the little lamp Doctor Griffin had magically materialized from somewhere casting cold shadows and bluish colors all around, the wind howling outside. As soon as he gets to a place where he can put a roof on his head, he's gonna make his home like this tent; welcoming and cozy.

"I don't know why I helped you." Raven confesses after a while, and hearing her voice breaking the stillness around him makes his heart jump in his throat and adrenaline flood his system. He was fucking falling asleep on the spot. Murphy shakes his head to regain a little bit of consciousness as she sighs and adds, "But it wasn't pity."

Clearly she must feel pretty miserable to be confessing such a thing to him. "Thank you anyway." He hates how she's able to make him feel like he has to tell the truth. Maybe he's feeling fucking shitty too and he's using Raven, who's a stranger, to open up without really having to get involved. Illusion of intimacy.

Another thing he has learned about Raven is that she doesn't beat around the bush, and in fact she doesn't wait ten seconds before going straight to the point. "By acting like that you're just letting your mother win."

Murphy feels his blood turn to ice and does his very best to hide it. He would have flipped her off already, if he hadn't seen her eyes baring his very soul as she talked. She was still doing the empathy thing, and he hated it.

"I know that it's hard, but you can’t believe what she said."

"Raven, I think you're mistaking me for someone who cares." He promptly gets up then, feeling the weight of her words on his shoulders. He wonders if he'll ever be able to stand up straight. The impudence of that girl is remarkable. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll take my leave." He nods in her direction and quickly turns, picking up his bag and going for the exit. Again.

"I lied. I know why I helped you." She says the exact moment he touches the hem of the tent to get out. Murphy sighs, closing his eyes.

"Which is?"

"I don't want to die alone too." He freezes on the spot, holding his breath. What the hell is she talking about? Doctor Griffin treats her as if she were her own daughter, Finn and Bellamy are both around, she is surrounded by "friends", valued for her skills among the delinquents. The only problem with her right now is the bullet that he has put inside her.

Probably guessing the reason for his silence, she elaborates, and he's almost afraid of what he will hear. "I've never been more alone, Murphy. And the only thing that has made me different from you was having Finn by my side."

The implications are clear enough. He wonders for a moment if he should feel offended by her fear of turning into him, but maybe she's right. The only person that was keeping her balanced has run off with a younger blondie--it's so clichèd it hurts--and now she's realizing that no one really knows her, no one really gets what it's like being in her shoes. Lost Finn, she's probably wondering if there will ever be someone else that will care for her enough to chase away her demons.

That damn empathy.

Murphy clears his throat, hoping that his voice will come out clear and steady, but knowing that it's like wishing on a shooting star. "For what it's worth," he adjusts the bag on his shoulder, "Finn is a fucking idiot." He bites his bottom lip, then drags his sleeve over his mouth, feeling somehow anxious knowing that her eyes are pointed at his back. "Now it's better if you go back to sleep, I'll see you tomorrow."

He waits for his words to sink in, and as soon as he hears her soft gasp, he knows that she has understood.

Walking out of the tent and breathing in the freezing air of the night, Murphy realizes that this is his first act of selfless kindness of his whole life since his father's death. Maybe it would have made him proud.

His decision of cutting out all the others still stands, but after tonight Murphy wonders if he could make an exception in those more unique than rare cases in which you meet someone that perfectly mirrors yourself. It's definitely something about which he will ask Raven's opinion, one of these nights.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was kind of unexpected. Me and Zoadgo wanted to write some Maven, and ended up going in the same universe, at the same time, with the same idea, etc. So we decided to join forces and let this ship take us beyond the horizon <3  
> Ok I'll stop. 
> 
> Edited by the accidentally co-author[Zoadgo](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoadgo/pseuds/Zoadgo) (am I allowed to fangirl over this partnership?)
> 
> Thanks to anyone who will read it, comment it, _kudos it_ , ignore it etc.  
> Feel totally free to contact me here or on [my tumblr](http://coldsaturn.tumblr.com)!


	2. Fever

Raven leans heavily on Murphy’s shoulder, limping, panting, and spitting curses that make him chuckle softly. They’re tucked safely away from the hustle and bustle of Arkers tearing up the forest in order to make the land more suitable for themselves, behind a large chunk of Alpha station that has yet to be scrapped for building materials. Raven knows she could do this anywhere, but-

“Motherfucking piece of shit!” The expletives rip from her throat as gravity tugs on her heavier than it ever has before, her legs buckling before Murphy manages to grab her and hold her up. It takes a few moments for her muscles to bear her weight again, seemingly lackadaisical in their approach to her recovery. In those moments she’s very glad that they’re far enough away to avoid the judgemental glares of the Arkers. Let them take a bullet and attempt to learn walking again, see if they don’t swear a bit.

“Maybe that’s enough for today, Raven.” Murphy sniffs, just a gentle suggestion. But the iron like grip of the arm around her chest reminds Raven of all the times he’s forced her to stop trying to walk because “There’s only so much idiocy I can stand”. 

“Just a few more steps.” Raven grits out through clenched teeth, determined to show her legs that their weakness will not slow her down. Murphy nods and helps her to resettle her grip on his shoulders before they set off again, this time with a mantra of “goddamn shitfucker”. 

Raven’s legs tremble, fire racing through every overworked fibre of her being, and at that point she starts counting down from five. 

_Five steps_ \- So far so good.

 _Four steps_ \- Murphy sniffs again.

 _Three steps_ \- Okay, now she’s actually in pain.

 _Two steps_ \- Murphy clears his throat and Raven has to fight back the urge to punch him.

 _One step_ \- Raven’s whole body is shaking.

_Zero._

“Okay, put me down!” Raven gasps, some modicum of relief reaching her as Murphy gently lowers her to the ground where she promptly collapses. For a few moments, she’s lost in a haze of exertion and accomplishment, but then she comes back to her sweaty, grimy body with a groan that’s drowned out by Murphy coughing. She pushes herself upright and stares at him with a quirked eyebrow until the fit subsides.

“You getting sick, Murph?” She says it with a light enough tone that it could be taken as a joke, but Raven finds herself actually concerned for his wellbeing. She guesses it’s only natural, he’s the only other one here who knows what it was like before the Ark came down.

He snorts at that, wiping his sleeve across his mouth. “What, you think I’m like all of you delicate flowers, ending up halfway dead everytime it gets a little chilly?” There had been a round of illness when the first frost hit, something that made almost everyone exceptionally miserable for about a week. Murphy was one of eight people who avoided it, a fact he seems to love rubbing in Raven’s face.

“I just don’t want you infecting me, who knows what weird disease would pick you as its host.”

“Couldn’t be any weirder than the parasite I had hanging off of me a few seconds ago.” Murphy and Raven locks eyes with completely deadpan faces, until they break almost in unison. Just a smile and a chuckle, but Raven’s spirits soar as high as they ever do these days. For some reason, she’s come to enjoy their mutual bitchiness, which gets more aggressive by the day. Much to the disapproval of the adults, especially their ever-stern Chancellor.

Raven is about to retort, but then Murphy breaks out coughing again, and she’s struck by the pallor of his skin. The smiles and positive energy fade as she drags herself over to him, placing what was meant to be a comforting hand on his shoulder. Murphy throws it off as if her flesh had suddenly turned to coals, and Raven’s brow furrows in confusion.

“Are you sure you’re not sick?” There’s no joke this time, just genuine concern. 

“Of course not. I don’t-” _sniff_ “-get sick.”

Despite his denial, Raven doesn’t believe him for a second. She can see sweat beading on his forehead, and she’s spent enough time clinging to him during her rehab to know that he’s not breathing normally.

“Okay then, let’s get up. I have to get back to Doc Griffin for a checkup.” Total lie, but Raven has a feeling Murphy would not be keen on the idea of seeing the doctor himself.

Murphy just grunts in acquiescence and pushes himself to his feet before bending down to drag Raven up beside him. She forces her weary limbs to bear a little more of the burden when she sees how much even that minor exertion seems to have taxed Murphy. Their walk back to camp takes significantly longer, but Raven doesn’t comment on it, just watches Murphy out of the corner of her eye as he starts to pant and his cheeks begin to redden. She hopes having been hit by the previous illness will make her immune to this one, but right now she really doesn’t care. Murphy needs to be treated, and she’ll be damned if she’s going to let his stubbornness stop that. No one is more stubborn than Raven Reyes.

They stumble into the metal shack that has become the medical bay, the most well put together building in the ever evolving settlement. Cabinets range along the walls, filled with every medical supply they’ve salvaged, and currently empty cots sit in even rows, awaiting the ill and injured who never seem to stay healthy for long. Sitting on a stool and scribbling notes is the very doctor that Raven came to see, and she realizes she has no idea how to force Murphy to accept her help.

Abby looks up at their heavy, uneven footsteps and smiles for a heartbeat before her face falls as Murphy tumbles to the ground. Raven barely manages to catch herself, and she has a brief moment of pride for standing on her own before her attentions turn to Murphy. Abby rushes over, immediately taking over the situation.

Abby rattles off a whole lot of information that means nothing to Raven, until she eventually loses patience and calls for Jackson. The pair hauls Murphy up and drags him over to a bed as Raven focuses on staying standing. She wouldn’t be of help to the situation anyway, but she still feels the urge to run over and offer assistance. Abby and Jackson move with decisive actions, muttering to each other and evaluating the now unconscious Murphy. It takes only a few minutes before Abby nods at Jackson and walks over to an ever nervous Raven.

“Is he going to be okay?” Raven’s fairly certain that even Murphy shouldn’t be that pale.

“He has a fever, but he’ll live.” Abby smiles at Raven and helps her over to her fallen comrade. “It just seems to be a cold, but if he gets worse, there’s a radio at the foot of his bed. Call me if anything happens.”

Raven nods, and the others leave her alone with Murphy. She supposes it is fairly close to dinner distribution, and she doesn’t judge them for not wanting to miss it. Miss one meal and you have to wait until the next, courtesy of Chancellor Kane’s rationing protocol.

Raven sits on a stool next to Murphy, shocked at how quickly his state has deteriorated. He doesn’t even seem to be aware of her presence as he twitches and groans, sweat pouring down his face from the fever ravaging his body. He’d always seemed so strong when he carried Raven through camp, but now she just sees a weak boy in front of her, suffering from unseen assailants.

Raven takes one of the clean bandages she’d grabbed and dips it in water, squeezing it gently before reaching out to dab at Murphy’s skin, as if that would actually help anything. As soon as the cloth touches Murphy, he snaps into action, grabbing her wrist with frightening power for a second before his grasp slackens and he slumps back on the cot.

“Don’t.” One weak word that Raven fails to understand. Don’t attempt to clean him up? Don’t help him? Don’t touch him? Why shouldn’t she do any of those things?

“Why not?” Raven reaches out again, only to have her hand smack away. She lets out a sigh and grabs Murphys wrists with one hand, pinning them to his stomach and overpowering his increasingly weak attempts to stop her, as she wipes sweat from his brow. Eventually she feels him relax slightly, so she releases him in hopes that he’ll have realized she’s not going to stop tending to him.

But instead of pushing her away, Murphy just laboriously rolls onto his side, back to her. Raven’s temper flares at his obstinate refusal of her.

“What’s your problem, Murphy? I’m just trying to help you.” There’s more bite in her voice than she probably should employ with an ill person, but Raven can’t bring herself to care when he’s being such a foolish patient.

“Don’t.” Again, that word. But this time, Murphy continues beyond it, in a shaky voice. “Don’t help me. I’ll get better on my own, or I won’t. You shouldn’t do anything.”

He has another coughing fit after that, and he flinches away as Raven tries to rub his back soothingly. She grits her teeth and reminds herself to wait until he’s better before pummeling him. Why does he seem so insistent on being left alone to suffer? When his chest stops spasming, the pair dwells in silence for a long while, Murphy shivering despite blankets as Raven glares furiously at his back.

“I’m not going anywhere.” The mound of human in front of her remains unresponsive, “I’m serious, Murphy. I’m not leaving until you’re healthy again, so you might as well accept my help.”

Murphy sniffs heavily, and his voice seems even more uncertain when he eventually responds. “Please go. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Is that what he was worried about? Infecting her? Raven scoffs at the notion. “If I were going to get sick I’d already be infected, so don’t be an idiot about this, Murph.”

“Just… please.. go…” Raven shakes her head despite Murphy not being able to see her and settles herself more comfortably on the seat. She’s not going anywhere, Raven isn’t a liar.

She doesn’t try to fight or comfort him any more, though. Instead they both drift off, Raven into a light doze and Murphy into a fever ridden dreamscape. He mutters and moves in his sleep, occasionally waking Raven who manages to soothe him into more gentle sleep without his unconscious form fighting her.

She’s just dozed off again when Murphy calls out, a wordless shout that brings Raven into full consciousness with her heart pounding. She shakes his shoulder roughly, rolling Murphy onto his back and seeing tears mingling with the sheen of sweat on his face.

“D...d….n...no.” He sobs in his sleep and Raven feels a tug in her chest. She can’t leave him suffering like this, facing off against unknown demons.

“Murphy! Hey, Murph, it’s okay!” Raven keeps her voice just below a shout, attempting to draw him back to the land of the wakeful. She calls his name several times before Murphy responds, almost literally clawing his way out of the nightmare as his hands grasp at Raven’s arms. Before he opens his eyes, Raven hears him sob something that sounds like “Dad” and suddenly she remembers.

Back in the dropship, when they were dying together. When Raven had to know what happened to him to make him into a psycho. _He had the flu_ , her mind helpfully supplies. He was sick and the person who tried to help him ended up dying. Memories are a strange thing, and she can hear his voice as clear as day.

_“Last thing she says to him before he finds her in a pool of her own vomit is that he killed his father.”_

Raven’s right hand releases its grip on Murphy’s shoulder and gently cups his face. Crazy man, psycho killer, frightened boy. In that moment, Raven realizes she’s just begun to understand Murphy.

“You can’t believe that.” Raven’s voice is a whisper, in response to the Murphy in her memories, but the present Murphy responds.

“You should leave. I don’t want you to get hurt.” And Raven knows he’s not talking about getting sick. He believes that if she cares for him, helps him, she’ll suffer for it. Maybe even die for it.

No way in hell is Raven going to let him continue thinking that way.

She brushes her thumb along the hard line of his jaw and smiles. “I can handle myself. No one’s going to hurt me.”

Murphy shakes his head, tears in his eyes, and she can tell that it’ll be a long fight before he believes what she’s saying. But he doesn’t flinch from her touch or smack her hand away, and even though the war has just started, Raven knows she’s won the first battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here's what happened. Coldsaturn and I were discussing Murphy and giving each other feels, I decided to write based on it, and so did she. Our fics ended up working together really well, so now we have an accidental story? Anyway, obviously this was edited by my co-author [coldsaturn](http://coldsaturn.tumblr.com)! So pumped we're working on the same story, even if unintentionally.
> 
> Please come chat with me [on tumblr](http://jonnmurphy.tumblr.com)! Thanks in advance for commenting/viewing/leaving kudos <3


	3. Taking Action

Raven’s happy that Murphy got better so quickly. Really, she is. But right now she sort of wants him to catch another illness just so he’ll stop running away from her. It’s been two weeks since his fever broke and Murphy mumbled something about bathing, before disappearing from her life almost completely. She’s been forced to endure physio with a very patient, but not very motivating Jackson. Raven’s pretty sure he’s the sweetest guy she’s ever met, but sweet just can’t get her to do anything these days, not when she’s been fighting and yelling and struggling for so long.

However, her own desire to be useful and not take up any more of Jackson’s valuable time spurred Raven on, and now she’s managing on her own, using crutches when she feels the need. But she’s finally able to walk completely by herself, and Raven only wishes she had someone around to share her accomplishment with. Despite all the lovely people she’s met in the camp who would be perfectly happy to congratulate her, for some reason she doesn’t want that. The one person she actually wants to chat with is, frustratingly enough, the only person she’s completely unable to locate.

“I think he was around here earlier, but he must have gone off to the labour crew or something. I don’t really know, he works dawn to dusk at one job or another, so we mostly just let him do whatever he wants.” The Arker that Raven had been questioning in an attempt to find Murphy gives her an indifferent shrug and doesn’t even look up from the dead fish that he’s carefully slicing open. She bites back a snide remark, reminding herself that these people are responsible for saving her life, and just gives the man a short “Thanks.” before limping off to where a sturdy wall is being constructed.

Raven had never considered the possibility that she might miss Murphy if he one day weren’t by her side. Hell, she’d never liked him among the delinquents, and then he’d gone and shot her. But there was something about him that she found appealing, for god only knows what reason. Maybe it was the way that he never expected her sympathy, or that he never pitied her and treated her like a doll. Or maybe it was just being able to be free with someone who’d experienced the life they’d lived before the Ark came to the Earth. Perhaps it was just the way he made her laugh in a world where so little was funny, but whatever it was, Raven finds herself desperate for his company.

“Where the hell is that dipshit?” She growls under her breath, the persistent ache in her leg growing more pronounced and edging toward pain, even with the aid of her crutches.

Raven could lie to herself, and say she doesn’t know why she’s so much more insistent on finding Murphy today than any day prior, but she absolutely does know. While she’d wanted to see Murphy over the last few weeks, to slip back into that comfortable mutual bitchiness and have strangely deep conversations with him at night, she hadn’t felt this burning need to hear his voice again. But this morning, Raven had woken up from a dream involving said elusive man. She can recall running after him, and every time she was about to catch him, she would trip. In the end she couldn’t walk anymore, so she sat in the forest - because of course it’s a forest, everything involves forests now - as Murphy just stood there and watched. No matter what she had shouted at him in the dream, he’d remained silent. In the end, Raven had woken up just as he’d taken a deep breath, as if to speak, and since then the feeling that she _needed_ to see him again hadn’t lessened in the slightest.

Raven zeroes in on one of the labourers, a large man who seems to be chatting with his coworkers more than actually lifting anything. She’s about to storm up to him--as much as someone on crutches can storm--and demand that he tell her where Murphy is, when she sees a familiar figure disappearing into one of the “alleys” created where wreckage had been cleared to add to their building materials. It’s a fair distance away, but not too far for Raven when she finally might be able to yell at Murphy for being such an idiot recently.

Now, Raven had spent most of her time exploring the camp in an effort to build up her stamina. While it certainly has been working towards that goal, it’s also taught her a fair amount of the layout. For example, she knows that the path Murphy just entered connects to another alleyway and then dead ends. So she enters the maze of twisted metal with confidence, her frustration building as she draws closer to her rough estimation of Murphy’s position.

Raven couldn’t have timed it better if she’d tried, because she reaches the end of one alley just as Murphy rounds the corner in front of her, clearly not expecting to come face to face with a very upset Raven. She drops her crutches in a heartbeat, glad she’s able to manage short periods of time without them, and grabs Murphy’s collar to throw him against a section of metal wall.

“Why have you been avoiding me, Murphy?” Murphy’s eyes are wide with surprise, but once he manages to regain the air she’d knocked from his lungs, he doesn’t seem at all intimidated.

“Well hello, Ray, glad to see the leg’s doing well.” 

“You could have seen it doing a lot better a week ago, if you hadn’t been hiding like a little bitch.” God, why had she wanted to see him, again? He’s just infuriating, and stupidly handsome when he does that little half smile that he’s doing right now. And where in the hell had that thought come from.

“You seemed to be doing just fine with Jackson.” Murphy shrugs his shoulders beneath her white knuckled grasp, “Besides, I was working.”

“Working so much you couldn’t even chat with me at night, asshole?” Murphy laughs bitterly at that, and Raven pushes him even more firmly into the wall.

“Ever considered it might be because I’m an asshole that I wasn’t holding your hand every night? If you want conversation, I’m sure there are plenty of nice guys hanging around the camp that would love to talk to you.” And that gives Raven pause. He has a point, she could have had every aspect of their companionship provided by someone else. Jackson helped with physio, Wick was sarcastic and witty, and many of the Arkers were intelligent enough to hold an interesting conversation. And every single one of them was nicer than Murphy, so why was she so upset that he’d been avoiding her?

“Maybe I don’t give a shit about nice anymore. Maybe there’s no reason to want “nice” after all we’ve been through.” Raven draws away slightly, her voice lowering in volume and taking on a contemplative tone as she attempts to make some sense of the situation. Murphy fidgets uncomfortably in her grasp for a while before he makes her temper flare again.

“Well, this has been great, but if you don’t mind, some of us actually have work to do.” There’s a slight twitch at the corner of his eyes as he says that, almost as if he didn’t want to, but he still chose to say it in the end.

“Fuck you, Murphy.” Raven growls, still not letting him go for some reason.

“Sounds like fun.” Murphy scoffs, his voice dripping with sarcasm. And this is as good a chance as any for Raven to let him go, to turn and walk away without any guilt. But she knows that if she does that, she’ll never see him again, at least not in anything close to an amicable fashion. In that moment, Raven knows that she has to take action, she has to do something. She also notices how close their faces have drawn, and the way Murphy glances down at her lips quickly enough that he probably thinks she didn’t notice, and the fact that she really doesn’t mind. 

So she decides to throw caution to the wind and do something that will, hopefully, make Murphy stop running. She leans forward and kisses Murphy, with no finesse or technique, simply some form of action to communicate her desire to have him by her side. When she actually feels his lips under hers, Raven realizes with a flash that maybe that’s not the only desire she’s feeling towards Murphy. There’s maybe a second or two that stretch like ages as Raven realizes, with her lips pressed unmoving against Murphy’s, that she doesn’t actually know how he’s going to respond.

Hell, Raven doesn’t even know why she kissed him. Sure, they were close and she was, evidently, not opposed to the idea. But she could have just kept him pinned to the wall, or tracked him down every day until he was forced to face her. For some reason, though, she had decided to kiss him. Perhaps it was a desperate attempt to not only stop him from running, but encourage him to return to her. After all, if the delinquents were animals as many of the adults seemed to think, Murphy would be one of the most wild of all, and not so easily tamed. 

In the brief moment where Murphy doesn’t respond to her, Raven begins to worry that she’s messed everything up. Maybe she read his glance wrong, maybe she’s done the wrong thing and horribly messed up their semi friendship. She’s debating whether she should try to move things forward or back off and run away in shame when Murphy finally reacts.

Now, Raven was always the one taking the lead with Finn. He’d always been so nervous about making her feel uncomfortable, so worried about unintentionally manipulating her the way her mother had tried to control her for her entire life. So, naturally, she expects that if anything happens she’ll be making all the calls, especially when she initiated this by pushing Murphy against a wall. Holy hell, was she ever wrong about that.

She finds herself against the wall, Murphy’s arms bracketing her as he pins her there. Raven’s not sure if her gasp is from shock at the sudden change, anticipation caused by the darkness of his eyes as Murphy stares at her, or unexpected relief as he presses his hips against her with an odd twist that actually ends up lifting most of the pressure from her left leg. There’s a mixture of desire and reluctance in his gaze which confuses Raven to no end. 

“Are you sure this is what you want, Ray?” Murphy’s eyes are locked hungrily on her lips even as he asks her in a gentle voice, causing Raven to experience an odd mixture of frustration and arousal that she’s just associating with Murphy these days.

“No, I threw you against a wall and kissed you because I don’t want anything to do with you. What the fuck do you think, idiot?” There’s a moment where some emotion akin to doubt flashes across Murphy’s face, but it disappears as quickly as it had shown itself.

“I think that wasn’t much of a kiss.” That damn smirk on his lips, and Raven feels more comfortable than she has in days. This is what she missed, the banter, being with something who didn’t treat her as a fragile doll or seem like they would cry if she was anything less than saccharinely sweet to them.

“Says the guy who stood there like a plank of wood. I was worried I’d missed you and hit the wall.” Murphy’s eyes narrow, but the grin is still there.

“Fair enough.” It’s not like either of them to yield so easily, and Murphy definitely does not give up, merely moves to less verbal forms of communication.

He barely has to move at all to press his lips to hers, Raven hadn’t realized how close they’d drawn during their conversation. It’s not a tentative kiss, testing the waters to see how she’ll respond. No, Raven had said this was what she wanted, and Murphy seems to have taken her at her word. His lips are almost bruising as they move against hers, but damn if Raven doesn’t give as good as she gets. It’s as much of a fight as their conversation had been, harsh and passionate, but ultimately exactly what Raven wanted. She manages to capture Murphy’s lower lip and bites at it hard as one of Murphy’s hands grabs her hip, allowing him to trail his fingers maddeningly delicately at the hem of her shirt.

She growls and moves her hips against his, hoping to encourage him to do something, but only drawing a grin against her lips. His mouth moves along her jaw, and there’s a moment where Raven is the definition of tension, every fiber of her being focused of the heat of his breath just millimeters from her ear and the feather light drag of his fingertips on her skin. Raven’s breath is quick and and shallow, and she’s certain that she’s flushed a lovely red, but she just can’t find it in herself to care about her obvious displays of arousal. She’d care even less if he would put those obviously dextrous fingers to better use.

“Still a wooden plank?” The satisfaction in his voice is evident and, if Raven’s being honest, well earned. But she’ll be damned if she lets him know that.

“Nah, I think you’ve upgraded to being about as sexy as a wild boar.” His chuckle stirs the delicate hairs on her neck, sending the most delicious tingles down Raven’s spine.

“You’re one sick pervert then, aren’t you?” He moves his hand with his words, lightly grinding the palm of it against her crotch and almost drawing a groan from Raven before she smothers it by biting her lip. She pushes forward, desperate for some more friction, but Murphy’s grasp moves back her waist and forcibly shoves her back against the wall. Thankfully, he actually slides it under her shirt, callouses and scars scraping over her flesh in a way that makes her breath hitch in her throat.

“Fine, a really pretty wild boar, when there’s nothing around but Jobi nuts.” Raven’s voice doesn’t tremble to her credit, and she decides she likes the feeling of Murphy smiling with his lips pressed to her neck.

“So, you’re saying you want to eat me? Because right now, I feel more like eating you.” He nips lightly at the side of her neck, just sharp enough to send a thrill of sensation through her nerves.

“What, you waiting for someone to say a prayer first?” She can’t help but goad him. She feels Murphy’s lips move against her skin again, this time opening in a slow drag above her collarbone. She inhales sharply, just short of a gasp as his tongue makes a quick pass over the flesh that’s now lightly trapped by his teeth. And then Murphy’s teeth dig in, and Raven can barely handle the height of sensation in her system. She knows, rationally, that what she’s feeling is pain, but after having a bullet in her back for days nothing really comes close. So instead of pain, she just feels intense pressure, and a burning pride at the fact that he wants her badly enough to bite her, to mark her flesh with the imprint of his teeth.

Murphy releases her flesh and soothes the area with swipes of his tongue that almost make Raven cry out from the new sensitivity there, before she remembers that they’re not nearly private enough for her to be as loud as she wants to be. As he moves further along the line of her shoulder and starts on a new mark, he begins to tease her hardened nipples through the frustratingly thick fabric of her bra. It’s almost like her mind picks up on that pleasure and just decides that everything it’s feeling must be feeling good, because Murphy grinding another bruise into her is suddenly an almost blinding pressure. Raven whimpers slightly when he switches to soothing that mark as his thumbs rub over the peaks of her breasts.

“You have to be quiet.” He mutters against her skin, and Raven has to suppress another whimper as his hand leaves her chest, trailing behind her and down her back to begin teasing just beneath the waist of her pants. “The Arkers aren’t that far away.”

Since coming to Earth, privacy was a relative term, so it hadn’t even occurred to Raven that many of the Arkers would be shocked to come across her and Murphy right now. For some reason, the idea that what they’re doing would be considered wrong by almost everyone else in the camp just makes Raven want to do more. There’s a perverse pleasure in breaking the rules and doing exactly the opposite of what society tells her to do, and Murphy’s about as different from what she’s been told she should want in a guy as one can get.

“What, you think you’re good enough to make me scream?” It might have sounded like more of a taunt if Raven wasn’t breathing so heavily, but it ends up sounding almost desperate. Fuck it, Raven is desperate at this point.

“I’m pretty confident at this point.” And Murphy grinds against her, drawing Raven’s attention to the promising bulge pressed against her hip. He then draws away slightly, disappointing Raven until he reaches between them in order to undo her pants. He teases her with long strokes of his fingers over her increasingly damp panties, tracing patterns that she desperately wants to feel on her bare skin.

“God.” She groans, not sure how much more teasing she can handle, and frustrated with the fact that she’s being teased in the first place. “Go fuck yourself, Murphy.”

“I’d rather fuck you, to be honest.” And Raven intends to reply, but he captures her lips again as he finally slides his hand beneath her underwear. She sighs into his mouth as he drags a finger up her slit, finally allowing her some decent stimulation. She wants more, though, so Raven tries to grind onto his hand only to have him stop his movements and bite at her lip as a reprimand that does nothing to lessen her desire.

“If you’re gonna fuck me, then fuck me.” She practically growls against Murphy’s lips, drawing a light chuckle from him. She’s just on the verge of telling him to let her finish the job if he can’t when Murphy slides two fingers into her in one smooth motion.

“Shit.” It’s a soft curse, but Murphy still hushes her with kisses as he pumps his finger within her, allowing her to cant her hips and grind against his palm in an attempt to get some friction on her clit. Raven tries to stay quiet, but it’s hard, and little moans, whimpers, and curses keep slipping from her. As she feels pressure building within her core, Raven’s incredibly thankful for Murphy’s long fingers.

“Fuck yes, just a little deeper. A little more.” Under her gasping whispered directions, the tips of Murphy’s fingers brush against just the right spot inside of her, and Raven almost comes right then. “Good god, yes, right there.”

“You ready to scream for me yet?” Murphy leaves her lips for a moment in order to lightly bite at the incipient bruises on her shoulder, and Raven can’t think of any form of sarcastic reply.

“Yes, please, Murphy. God yes, I’ll scream for you, just don’t you dare fucking stop.” Raven’s still speaking in harsh whispers, but she knows she won’t be able to help herself when she comes. 

Murphy doubles his efforts, bearing down on her G spot and helping her by grinding his palm against her pussy in time with his thrusting fingers. Raven is a singular point of tension as she teeters on the edge of climax, and Murphy tips her over by completing a trifecta of curved bruises along her shoulder.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Raven comes with a shout, Murphy’s fingers and teeth continuing to move as her muscles clench and shudder with the intensity. As her quaking eases, Murphy pulls his fingers from her and releases her shoulder in order to suck them clean. He smiles a devious grin and looks like he’s about to say something when they hear footsteps approaching quickly.

“Raven?! Is that you?!” Shit, Raven knows Abby’s voice all too well by this point. She quickly does her pants up and attempts to regain some control over her breathing as she shoves Murphy away.

“Go!” She hisses when he doesn’t immediately run. “I’ll say I fell down or something, just get out of here!”

Murphy stares at her for a long moment in which Raven worries that he might not leave, but he nods after a time and turns on his heel, jogging of and disappearing around one corner just as Abby and Jackson materialize around another. Raven’s really lucky she’s always been pretty good at coming up with excuses on the fly, because she can tell it’s going to take some very good explaining to get rid of the confused and anxious looks on the medics’ faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, Zoadgo here! So, fun story, I wrote this weeks ago, and then since then I basically just needed to add two paragraphs to fix it, but I'm horribly lazy and my employees won't stop slicing their finger on the bread slicer. Smut is worth it though, right? I'm so sorry for the wait, especially to [coldsaturn](http://coldsaturn.tumblr.com) because I called dibs on this chapter, so she's been unable to write anything for the story until I posted this!
> 
> Anyway, come yell at me until I work [on tumblr!](http://jonnmurphy.tumblr.com) Thanks in advance for commenting/viewing/leaving kudos!


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